Would you please speak tomorrow?

At 16, I begged my parents to send me to France and, sick of my whining, they agreed. Our French family friends arranged an exchange between their goddaughter and me – after two years of high school French and eating lots of Nutella, I was off to Paris for a month! Apprehensive about my lack of French, I practiced speaking aloud on the plane over…to myself. Having done countless self presentations in French class, I could almost introduce myself comme des françaises de souche and was an expert at saying “Je ne comprends pas” (I don’t understand). Pessimist that I am, I decided my key line should be, “Pouvez-vous parlez plus lentement?” or, “Could you please speak more slowly?” I rattled it off to myself millions of times on the plane, in between practicing how to say random vegetables. I deboarded the plane in what is a humiliating outfit to remember – a teeshirt that seriously said “Ooh la la” and had a picture of the Eiffel Tower and a poodle, a pair of walking shorts with extra pleats, and extraordinarily pointy red and pink shoes, which I thought were to die for because I had bought them in Paris. There was a reason they were on sale. Unaware of the multitude of fashion faux pas I was committing, I found my French family. I immediately had no idea what they were saying. I had been eagerly anticipating the opportunity to use my now-perfected line and I had a chance within 30 secords of my arrival! I blurted out, “Pouvez-vous parler plus lendemain?” and was met with confused stares. The poor Barbettes had to explain to me, in what was basically sign language, that I had asked them to speak tomorrow, not to speak more slowly. Despite hours of me looking like a nutcase on the plane to practice my one line, I had replaced the t with a d. Luckily, after my first faux pas in French, I had an amazing exchange, learning lots of French slang, how to dress properly, and how to eat a vat of Nutella in three days, and became obsessed with somehow becoming French.